Reflections of My Journey to Health
I was thinking about this on the elliptical this morning – what has my journey to health meant to me? Some say that weight reduction is a discipline – I’d agree. Some would say that it’s hard – I’d agree. But what it has come down to for me is control! Weight isn’t necessarily a lack of say no – often you will find that it comes from a parent who loved with food or “guilted” with food, aka “Food Pushers”. How many of you heard this one “there are children in third world countries starving – clean you plate” or “honey have one more piece – make sure you are full”? Then it can turn, as it did in my case to rebellion against my mother. She’d put me on diets – but really it was the ONE THING SHE COULD NOT CONTROL… I found the one thing my mother couldn’t control – my weight and what I put in my mouth.
My yes to food became my no to relationships, my no to love, my no to friendships, my no to life, my no to promotions – my lack of no to food became my answer and protection from life in general. My journey has been painful at times, rewarding at times and feeling failed and accomplished at times. I would not deem it at all easy – it’s been a journey of discovering. One of my discoveries has been, it’s completely okay to say NO, mean it and stick to it! NO TO FOOD – NO TO EMOTIONAL EATING – NO TO PEOPLE AND THINGS YOU DON’T WANT IN YOUR LIFE! It’s also okay to say YES – YES TO LOVE, YES TO PEOPLE AND THINGS YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE, AND EVEN YES TO FOOD – in the moderation and quantities that fuel your body not destroy it.
My relationship with food has changed! In 2004 – I didn’t know what “satisfied” meant. I knew what overstuffed and miserable meant. I loved everything sweet – ewy-gooey, fried and covered sauce. I loved the taste and smell of food. I loved the texture of food. I loved the way food made me feel. Now when I eat those things my body doesn’t feel good. It feels run down – I can feel the film of grease in my mouth when I eat fried foods. My body aches when I don’t exercise and fuel it with the proper nutrition.
My relationship to exercise has changed! In 2004 I COULD NOT climb a flight of stairs without becoming breathless. Climbing 4 floors where I used to work – just about made me pass out! Now I can run up a couple flights of stairs and be able to talk at the top :D
My relationship with ME HAS CHANGED! I LOVE ME! Most of my life – I didn’t like myself – did not think I was pretty – I loathed the skin I was in and continued to punish it through shoveling food in my mouth so I would perpetuate the cycle. When I almost hit 300 lbs – is when I said enough! I always told my friend I tip the scale over 300 lbs – SHOOT ME! Well, she never had to shoot me but I came really close! Then my mother’s death in 2007 was another catalyst – I’d lost about 50 – 60 lbs. when she died. But her death really put an almost urgency in my Journey to Health. She had high blood pressure, Crohn’s Disease, Type II Diabetes, and she succumbed to heart failure due to diabetic complications. It was shortly after that – I was determined to not die in that manner. I was determined to NOT become a burden to my children. I decided I wanted to live a life FULL ~ Full of happiness, full of love, full of living life to the fullest measure. I have to be a constant reminder to myself that I am of worth and not let the old tapes creep in and ruin my day which can penetrate to a week, months and then years!
My continual goal is towards Health… My health determines the health of my relationships. I need to be balanced with my Physical, Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Health. I’ve come to know myself and can finally give of myself because I love who I am – no matter what! There are areas I still struggle with – but I continue to work all these areas and eventually the balance is returned! Remember to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST – then you can pour out that love. My journey is far from over but I’m going to… "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." — Mark Twain "Live Like You Were Dying
posted by Anonymous at
11:24 AM
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