Never Got the Mojo

I've been struggling a while - and I decided to plug back into Weight Watcher's. Doing the dieting alone has been SUPER HARD! I'm not saying that the HCG program doesn't work at all!!! I'm saying that it's super restrictive and when you follow it - IT WORKS!!! But I've just been a cheat on it the last couple rounds and it's only given me extra weight. I think I have figured out in 1 session of Weight Watcher's though as to why this is... It's still all a mental battle for me! And I never reset a goal for myself and really believed it! I mean it took me a super long time to get below 100 lbs. And that's HUGE!!! I have 36.8 lbs left to get rid of to get to my first goal weight! And really I'd reset that to 175 lbs. But I think too I am still scared! Scared of ME! The me I'll be when I get there - the ME everyone else will see. The ME that I'll be living with at goal for the rest of my LIFE! It's a good thing but in all honesty it SCARES THE SHIT out of me...

And I can tell you - YOU ARE TREATED DIFFERENTLY when you are slim that when you are FAT! Even though you don't think you are any different YOU ARE!!! Your self image changes, the way you walk, the way you carry yourself the way you interact with other people. I went to a meeting this morning - and the energy in the room was dull and lifeless. I left before it even started! The leader I am with now - used to drive me bonkers! I didn't like her because she was too perky... But who I need are the people that are AROUND her - and her too - just not at 7:00 AM! So, for the next 2 months at least I will be following the Weight Watcher's program to get my mental status back in the game! Because I am certainly not mentally ready to do HCG again! I may do a short round as I approach my goal weight - but I will have to see. The one thing that HCG did do for me with all the restriction for so long - I WAS ABLE TO STAY WITHIN MY POINTS for the entire week and logged ALL MY FOOD!