-4 lbs YES 37 LBS GONE - 97.8 Total GONE!

I am so excited to announce that I have lost 4 more pounds 4 POUNDS I'm at 201.8 lbs... 2 more pounds and I'll be in the 100's and 3 more and I'll have lost a total of 100 pounds!!!! Which 40 of that will be on HCG! It's taken me a while to get through all the emotional stuff but I am ecstatic that DD.ca, HCGSupplies.com, Cindy and all my readers (do you still exist out there) have stuck by me all this time! YES - I'm going to make it this time - I have lots of shots remaining in my freezer and am doing well this round now that I've discovered (I THINK!!!) the last remaining piece of why I haven't shed these last few pounds. Being really good today - want to hit that tomorrow - that would be so - so nice!!! Literally I stepped on and off the scale about 10 times this morning - had my daughter step on it to ensure that it was correct! You know because I haven't been near the 100's in 12 years! I cannot even tell you how excited I am!!!

Down -1.6 lbs today to 205

Okay forgot to log my weight yesterday I popped up .4 and am back down 1.6 today for 205... I'm on the cusp again - keep praying for me that I break into the 100's! I know I can do it! I'm pumping lots of fluids today too! So, I only have 35 lbs to go - possibly again not sure what my ideal weight is but I'll know when I get there right?!?!?!?!?

POOR CHOICES

I'm re-evaluating some poor life choices I've made these past couple months and how it can really affect perception... My faith and integrity are my two top core values - and recently I have said and done things that impact the way I am perceived. It made me have to stop and think - as there were some things said in conversation today there is a perception held that really is not an absolute about me. Yes, I have made a couple of mistakes and poor choices over the past couple months. It made me take a look at myself and go - now wait a minute - THAT'S NOT TRUE. If you are saying that your top core values are your faith and integrity but you did this... And the person who's known you for a short time views you as this... Then how do other people view you???? Is that really how you want to present yourself to the world? Does it matter? Does it matter only what the person thinks??? In some aspects it does - however, I know who I am... I am a fallen creature saved by my ONE TRUE GOD sending His ONLY SON to die for my sins... I fall daily - I have to ask forgiveness daily... I don't personify something I am not - I am FAR-FAR-FAR from perfect - I try to live my life according to the Word of God - but I know I fail miserably most of the time and that is why Christ died so that I could live... I have to carry my cross daily and continually ask forgiveness. I never want to be perceived as a "Sunday" christian that lives in the world all week only to attend church one day and ask forgiveness for everything during the week. I know I've been screwing up - I've had so many things on my plate lately - laid off - how am I going to make all the bills - kids - gas in the car - food on the table - keeping a roof over our heads. None of these are an excuse - with all the stress - I've made those poor choices... I am far-far more disappointed in myself that there's now this perception than Now I cannot undo them but I can live my life as before - to show my true value system - who I TRULY AM! I am A WOMAN OF GOD - A WOMAN OF INTEGRITY - A WOMAN OF INFINITE WORTH - A WOMAN WORTHY OF A GODLY MAN - A LOVELY WOMAN - I'M THE REAL DEAL - HONEST AND LOYAL TO THE CORE.

Donnie McClurkin- We Fall Down

I may appear as though I have this hard exterior. However, once you really get to know me I have a very soft and tender heart - I'm the best friend anyone could have... I really only just want to be loved honestly with integrity by one man who has eyes only for me no one else!

I'm beginning to ramble - I cut this here...

Photo Update 06/02/2009

Compare just a little over 1 year ago...

Tomatoes Are My Friend -1lbs today 206.2

I love tomatoes and I lost another pound today... They seem to agree with me better - so I think I will alternate between apples and tomatoes. I seem to drop more when I've eaten the tomatoes and like them better than apples! So, I'm going to start stocking up on the tomatoes plus they are starting to come into season!!! YES! I need to get some plants and plant them in my pots outside!

Wanting to Eat

Uggghhhh... Right now I just want to eat - I know it's cuz' I am bored... I'm going to go and read!

PROGRESS DOWNWARD! YES!!!!

Okay so, I'm ready now! RU ready to see me fly???? I know I've said it before but now that I've identified what it is then I can start to address the issues that have been laying just under the surface of my success in finally shedding these last few pounds! Here's the interesting part - I didn't even know that I had abandonment issues - I dealt with it with my mother for years. I think that is were some of my insecurities stem from - even self-esteem issues. If that even makes sense?!?!?!?!? It probably does to those who have struggled with their weight most if not all of their lives. You know what I am so grateful for with this protocol? Is that it really does stabilize your weight. I've continued to stay below 212 lbs which is amazing to me.. That may also be why I've been struggling these last few rounds is that this was a comfortable weight for me - this is where I'd been happy for a long time - as an older teen early 20's before my life became chaotic with the responsibilities of adulthood then children. It was a time when I was somewhat free - somewhat without responsibility of taking care of my mother and I didn't have children. It was a time where I could be away and just be me. That would probably be the only thing I miss about my early adulthood is having some freedom to be me. I struggle with this aspect of my life sometime too... The dedication to raising my kids, the responsibility of taking care of all of life - house, chores, finding a job, bills all of the above. I am experiencing quite a bit of stress at the moment with trying to find a job to make my bills. It really SUCKS - to say the least. I am having to make choices between letting some of my bills go at the moment and my credit going to trash - but it's either that and keep my house and utilities on and food in our bellies. I hate it though I was on my way to being out of debt before my mother died! I went deep into debt to keep the house and fix it up and pay off my brother and in some aspects I am wondering if I should have sold it! I just don't know at this point in time! But the alternative is that if I'd let the house go with my being unemployed there's the likelihood we would be without a place to live. The good news out of this is I did go down on the scale though 2.4 lbs the last couple days - not sure which days but that the cumulative total! I keep blogging - it keeps me sane in my little weight loss world. TTFN