First Counseling Appt

Okay, so I had my first appointment with the counselor specializing in eating disorders. I have a list of books to read and work through the materials - not all at once mind you. My very first assignment is to write a letter to my mother - this is going to be difficult as it will evolve around my lost/stolen childhood, teen, and adult years. Years I cannot remember nor get back. As much as I loved my mom and she love me our relationship was a very dysfunctional one - she co-dependent, couldn't be alone and me shamed and guilted into taking care of her since I was 9 years old. Learned behavior that was only broken through her death. Sadly, I wasn't strong enough to leave or was it I was strong enough to stay - more questions I don't have the answers to... One thing I don't want is for anyone to feel sorry for me - there are so many people who had worse childhoods than I did by far. I do ask for and covet your prayers as I work through the painful past and those things that trigger me to eat when I'm not hungry and don't want food. Please pray that I move through this time quickly or that at least as I move through it and I can continue on the Dr. S protocol with success without the sabotage piece. Blessing everyone - I'll share the book list when I get a chance - it's in my purse, too tired and getting ready to call it a night. TTFN