Health Update

So, I'd done this saliva and urine test - the results were very interesting. I've battled with depression all my life and have always said anti-depressants don't work for me... Well, the test proved that I was right. I have low serotonin and some other things that were low and high which show that I need an a completely different approach to balance these areas. It also, explains why I do not sleep well. I have a difficult time falling asleep and then a difficult time waking up. So, I am very glad I did this test. I've also been experiencing some pretty intense pelvic pain on and off ~ so had an ultra-sound today and we'll see where we go from here.

The exciting thing is that while I was at my naturopaths office she shared that her business partner has started using HCG... I am so excited and they are having phenomenal results with people that her partner has been working with for 8 months or longer. I'm exstatic that they researched and are using this for their clients! And that I had a small part in helping people.

Had another counseling session last night and I am just simply amazed and blessed by the breakthroughs and strides I am making. I'm not saying it's at all easy - it is very stressful and the last two days I have done some stress eating. I am however, ready to jump back on the band wagon and continue onward and downward! I'm even going to make sure I start carrying a journal and write my stress down rather than eat through it. I'm very excited about the new things I am learning on this journey. And truly - truly it is not at all just about weight, just about will power or just about losing the next pound. For me it is about the whole package. What am I learning? What am I taking away from all of this? Everything from my physical health, to my emotional, spiritual and mental health. I've got the new hope. It's going to take a lot of painful work to discover what my motives are to eat. I think it was in WW I learned that behind every motive is a positive intention. And eating is a feel good drug - oh and I also discovered that one of my chemical/amino "dealies" is off balance showing addiction or tendency toward addiction. So, my drug of choice all along has been food. When my mother died I also picked up smoking. So, I will deal with one - well almost one drug at a time. I'm dealing with the emotion and the weight at the same time which is challenge. I am going to have to take a step back and intentionally look at my motive for eating. When I want to eat - when I am not hungry - which we all know on hcg for the most part you are not hungry. Although I have been more so this round. Anyway - stop drink some water - stop journal - stop pmia (positive mental image and attitude) - stop read my motives for losing weight - most of all stop and pray for God's help!

And I am down another 2.75". If you are not taking your measurements I would highly encourage this step in your freedom from fat I've lost a total of 37.75" on this protocol and only 18.6lbs - so really double the amount of inches compared to the scale weight. It shows that although the scale doesn't necessarily register what I think it should - the measurements sure are. I've had so many people comment about how much smaller my hips and waist are - and combined I've lost 11" in those two areas. And that they can really see it there. I am trying not to freak out and self-sabotage but it's difficult as it's not only habit but it's my false safety. Changing that mentality has been the biggest and most difficult part of my journey.

But I am moving forward - my previous assignment from my counselor was to write down all the "lies" I'd been told throughout my life by my mom, family, people in general whether I believed them or not. I thought well maybe 6-10. I had 67 and had to stop because my lunch hour was over. So, to make a long story short - these were not necessarily lies but hurts and now my assignment from my counselor is to help "little" Toni the 3/4 yo - the age I was when I started taking on the hurts and bottling them inside is to now help "little" Toni let go of the past and forgive all those people who didn't take care of her, didn't nurture her, disappointed her and who she didn't feel lover her. Help her to be loved by and trust God, help her to let go of the pain, help her to be comforted, nurtured and loved. Help her to open up to people and trust them too. I'm almost on the verge of tears just thinking about it and yes right now I want to run for the cupboard and eat - and trust me I am not hungry. I feel almost nauseated by the thought of going through this process as I know it's going to be painful and I know it's going to make me cry. I don't like to cry - I'm the strong one and always have been. But really I am just a big huge marshmallow inside. All I really want is to be accepted and loved - I think we all do at the core of our beings.


Well there's my two cents for the day or buck fitty :D